Beaten down…

Today is not a happy day in the land of me.

Here’s the thing: I LOVE teaching choir.  I loved teaching in Kuwait because I got to teach middle and high school choir all day to students who wanted to be there.  Sure, it wasn’t always great and sometimes the songs just didn’t come together… but I woke up every day wanting to go to work, enjoying my time there, and feeling good about what I was sharing with the students.  I didn’t have that in Shanghai.  I know it was really even more important for me to positive and show how wonderful music is and what a benefit it is to have it in your life, but I didn’t do an exceptional job of that.  Elementary was not my thing- they were cute, but I dreaded every day and felt like I never really knew how to talk to them or get through to them (I did love playing with the preschool kids, though- they were freaking adorable).

Fast forward to Guatemala.  I got a job teaching drama and this filled me with absolute excitement and joy!  I love drama- I have always loved drama.  Now, I could share that with kids too!  And it would be even more fun than choir because there are games in drama, and opportunities to be super-creative… and I don’t have to stand in the front of the room waving my arms around all the time (or constantly feel bad for my lack of piano skills).

Come to find out… I’m not vital.  I’ve been working too hard, doing too much.  The parents just want to see something “light and fun” at the end of the trimester.  They don’t care what the kids have been learning.  Just make sure their kid is onstage for the most amount of time (all 125 of them), and make sure it doesn’t last more than an hour… oh, and make sure that it’s just fun for the parents.  It doesn’t matter if it’s good- that’s not important.  It doesn’t matter if it reflects what you’ve been in doing in class- also not really the point.  The point is, as I was told this morning, P. freaking. R.  Just make the school look good and the parents happy.

So that leaves me feeling a little empty.  It leaves me a little less excited about my job, about my everyday.  There’s really no point… I may just throw on some movies (ones that show great acting) and sleep through next year.  We can just do Disney…


One thought on “Beaten down…

  1. I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. There's nothing like having amazing aspirations only to have folks (who have no clue how to do what you do and how hard it is) try to dumb down your goals – especially in regard to their children's educations and well-being. I pray that you're able to find the joy and excitement of teaching again before the next year begins. I know this probably doesn't count for much, but I think you're amazing!


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