Wow. I really don’t know what I’m going to write about. I’m kind of stressing out about it.
Someone once said that you have to write like your parents are dead. I suppose that applies to all family and friends really. Writers tend to draw from their own experiences and sometimes that means characterizing someone close to you. It may also mean revealing parts of yourself that you may not be comfortable sharing with Dear Old Aunt Suzie. It’s a fine line and one of the biggest problems I had with writing the novel last year for Nanowrimo- telling the real story of my awakening was important to me… but it was just so personal!
I’ve always wanted to explore the mother-daughter relationship (now more than ever as I’m about to have one of those relationships). I want to tell it from a different perspectve- the one where the mother and daughter don’t have to end up friends at the end. Where they don’t recognize and forgive their differences. Because that does happen. It’s not the happy ending that most people want from a book, but it is reality. The truth is, my mom and I never made peace. And I can honestly admit that it would’ve taken some big changes on both our parts for that to happen if she were still here. I am, however, at peace with the fact that we never reached some huggy-kissy-BFF kind of place. That wasn’t meant to be for us.
And I think it’s true for many people. But I’ve always shyed away from writing about it because, even fictionalized, I knew my mom’s feelings would be hurt. I knew she would read it as a commentary on our relationship, possibly even feel embarrassed. And I didn’t want to do that. I would never want to embarrass her. As I’ve said before, she loved me the best she could and I understood that.
But now, I can write without the fear of hurting her. I guess I’ve found my topic.
Hopefully she can be proud. Maybe this will be my story. Maybe…