I have a one year old now.
I really expected that I would be a much more sentimental person that I am. I think of myself as highly emotional, but apparently that really only covers the feisty, fighty emotions. I am definitely quick to temper, though I have mellowed in my old age. When Dave and I first started dating, we got into a big fight- I, of course, can’t remember what it was about, but I’m sure it was his fault. I remember screaming at him, wanting to throw things, possibly even jumping on the couch, though that could be another memory of something else. After the fight was over, he said, “You know, you really don’t have to yell at me like that.” Very calmly. Very non-confrontational. And I realized he was right. So I worked hard to stop. And I have. I can’t remember the last time I really yelled at anything or anything.
But I constantly feel like my emotions are bubbling just under the surface… and yet. My daughter turned one and I didn’t cry or whine that ‘my baby isn’t a baby anymore.’ More than anything, I find the joy in watching her learn and grow and laugh. She’s so fun! She was an easy baby- the newborn stage was overwhelming, but only because there was this new person that I was responsible for. She wasn’t fussy or angry or clingy or cry-y. She ate, she slept, she pooped. And I thought it was all amazing. But now… now she is even more amazing!
For example, last night (and the night before, to be honest) we spent 20 or more minutes playing a version of this game: she would climb from her chair to the couch, throw herself onto her face, crawl to the arm rest, Dave would pull her back onto her face and then scoop her up and put her on the floor, ready to start the game again. Last nights’ game was the same except I scooped her off the coffee table and tossed her onto the couch. She squealed with delight EVERY SINGLE TIME. I kept waiting for it to get old, but it didn’t. Both nights, the game only ended because it was bedtime.
You can’t help but laugh when a baby laughs- a real, true belly laugh from a one year old might be the best medicine at the end of a long day. I know I didn’t feel quite as tired while we played…
I have a one year old now. I can’t wait to see what this year brings.